As I sit here in my office, with a lovely view of the story bridge backing up, with my freshly plunged, stale coffee and my 40% chocolate chip bickies just polished off - I can't help but wonder how I got to this point... About a year and three months ago, i was happily working (if you could call it that) at the pharmacy, chatting to Chelsea, paying out the juniours and challenging management with my cheeky payouts. Now, I am an events manager, and after a significantly generous payrise this week, well paid to boot. But am I happy? You would think that having a dream job, with a future view (in about a years time) to perhaps become something more would be perfect right? But I'm still not happy. I have started taking the vitamins that usually bring me back from the brink, but I wonder if they'll work this time.
You see (and this is where it gets criptic) something happened to make me sad - a few things probably - but one that I can definately pinpoint to this mood. It was something so devestating that I can't even type about it - but let's just say that I have been crying a lot, reconsidering my life as a whole and thinking about my future. This devistation has ripped the happiness from my world. And I'm sure I'll bounce back, but at this point, I'm not sure how to approach that.
Which brings me to this blog. Usually I relish the opportunity to sit down, and type from a small section of my life my memories, thoughts, humour. This makes me happy. And yes, there have been the odd one or ten blogs that have been depressing, who doesn't have those moments? This morning, I don't know what the purpose of my blog is, but I think that I may find it theraputic in days, months and years to come when I look back and realise that this gut renching devestation is a long forgotten memory, but one that I must remind myself of to keep the parts of my that hurt now protected.
I want to write something happy that will make both myself and others laugh, but I am finding it hard to smile this week - so I will leave the usual catch up to another day when i feel a little more like living.
You see (and this is where it gets criptic) something happened to make me sad - a few things probably - but one that I can definately pinpoint to this mood. It was something so devestating that I can't even type about it - but let's just say that I have been crying a lot, reconsidering my life as a whole and thinking about my future. This devistation has ripped the happiness from my world. And I'm sure I'll bounce back, but at this point, I'm not sure how to approach that.
Which brings me to this blog. Usually I relish the opportunity to sit down, and type from a small section of my life my memories, thoughts, humour. This makes me happy. And yes, there have been the odd one or ten blogs that have been depressing, who doesn't have those moments? This morning, I don't know what the purpose of my blog is, but I think that I may find it theraputic in days, months and years to come when I look back and realise that this gut renching devestation is a long forgotten memory, but one that I must remind myself of to keep the parts of my that hurt now protected.
I want to write something happy that will make both myself and others laugh, but I am finding it hard to smile this week - so I will leave the usual catch up to another day when i feel a little more like living.
posted by amber at
8:04 AM
2 Comments:
Hey. This sounds like some heavy stuff. I hope you are OK.
Here if you need a friend...always here
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home